Moving Into College: Part 3: Where is Home???

The first three weeks of college are done and I'm starting to adjust to my new life better.  It's been a rough few weeks for me, but I've been trying my best to be positive about it.  I think one of the reasons it's been better is because I've been getting more into a routine.  I need a routine in my life or I'd go crazy... (like I did the first week...)

You're probably at a point where you're like "Oh my God, please just explain why the title of this post is what it is!!!!!" so I will do that now, you don't have to yell.  Geez.

JK.

ANYWAYS... The reason why I titled this blogpost, "WHERE IS HOME???" is because for the first two weeks of school, that's what I've been asking myself.  After the first week of classes ended, I couldn't have been more excited than to go home for the weekend.  The entire first week, I fought tears every day until I ended my day with a phone call from my parents.  I let loose around 7 pm every night until finally, I couldn't take it.  On a Thursday night, I called my mom and told her I wanted to go home.  I cried for two hours while on the phone with her; it was almost like I was dying and wouldn't be able to see her again.  Over-dramatic? Probably, but if you're a homebody like me, you'd probably understand.  I only had to wait less than 24 hours before I'd be on my way home, but I just couldn't take it any longer.

Friday finally came, and the only thing I could think about was going home.  I had a full day of classes but nothing other than home, was in my head.  Three thirty rolled around and I was bolting back to my dorm to get things packed to go home. When I got into my parents car, I was happier than ever, but little did I know, when I get home, that happiness would disappear.  That afternoon dragged on and on until the end of the day finally came.  I was elated to be able to sleep in MY bed, and not some bed that was given to me, but it didn't feel the same.  It wasn't right.  My bed no longer felt like my bed, my home no longer felt like my home.  Nothing felt right, and I couldn't understand why. That first week of intense homesickness killed me, but what killed me even more was the fact that I didn't feel right anywhere.

Saturday I woke up confused.  It wasn't that I was used to waking up in my dorm, but that I forgot what it was like to wake up at home.  It still didn't feel right and I had determined that the only way I'd feel better was if I didn't go back to school.  I spent all of Saturday crying and telling my parents that I wasn't going back to school.  They thought I was joking, but I wasn't.  I didn't want to go back to being alone and being afraid.  I wanted things to go back to the way they were.  Unfortunately, I had no choice but to go back to school on Sunday, but my parents promised me I'd be able to come home on Tuesday.  Again, I spent all of Monday thinking about getting home and of course, had difficulty focuses on class.

After I got back to school after going home for the afternoon on Tuesday, I felt better, but I was still unsure.  It would be a few days until I got to go home again for Labor Day weekend, but it was better. I made some new friends and actually went off campus.  I began to get more comfortable and less and less, I didn't feel like bursting into tears at any given moment.  The end of the week came though, and I began to fear that I would feel the same way I did when I went home the previous weekend.  I didn't want that.  I wanted to feel at home and that night, I did.  I felt at home again, I didn't feel like I was in the wrong place, and I didn't feel like not going back to school.

So I guess I'll end with this... I gave up to early.  I gave up in the first week and I shouldn't have.  I think that it definitely helped a lot to make some friends and to see some familiar faces.  I was adjusting to my new life, but with time.  Originally, I had anticipated that I would jump right in and make new friends left and right, but little did I know, I would become a turtle and go back into my shell whenever someone new came close.  My outgoing, bubbly personality that I knew so well disappeared when I started college, but I'm slowly starting to find myself again.  Because I'm making new friends and finding my way, it's been a smoother journey.  I don't cry anymore when I call my parents, and I definitely don't feel like I don't belong.

I had a moment earlier this week when I was standing atop Lone Mountain.  I was looking down at main campus, took a deep breath, and in that very moment, I knew I was in the right place.  My advice to anyone starting college is to crave that feeling, crave that moment.  I think I was looking to have that in the first two weeks, but I didn't know it.  To have that moment was the most reassuring thing that could ever happen.

College is hard, especially the whole adjustment process.  It takes time and you have to be patient. It's honestly too bad that I can't start over, because if I could, I would definitely handle myself differently, but I'm glad I know that I AM HOME at school and at home.  It just took some time.

Thanks for reading!

Love, Cat <3